should i or should i not?

Sunday, May 31, 2009

i wish i knew..
what i should do now.
should i give it up?
or should i ignore everything else
and hold on to it with all i can.

i wish i knew..
what i should do.
somehow i feel bad,
if i do one n don't do the other.
and if i did the other n don't do the other.

why do i always have to go through this?
what is wrong?
did i do something wrong?
or did i make a wrong decision in coming to Russia?
i really don't know.

but i'm really tired.
i'm really fed up.
i feel like i don't wanna care anymore.
but in the end i can't seem to.
maybe i really do think too much.

God, take away this cup of burden.
be a light unto my path,
that shines the way through.
so i may know,
that You are there.

2 comments:

Anonymous May 31, 2009 at 10:48 PM  

hahaha.. i wish i knew too.. i really wanted to study medicine.. and honestly its because, i really like old people, and i kinda care for them... i dont mind to study at malaysia locally.. but my parents was against it.. they think it wasnt good to study in malaysia... they wanted me study abroad... far.. bu with their financial capabilities.. sending me to russia is hard enough.. i too have disappointed my parents, and especially myself, in not landing any scholarships or financial aid..

in the end, i'm also here.. like you in 1st year.. studying as hard as possible.. because i really pity my parents.. i really do.. i know.. they are having so much trouble to send me here.. i had a choice either to study by myself or to hafal the toyols n questions.. but if i do the latter, and if they knew my results is good because of by means of cheating... they will e heartbroken.. so the only way, i can make them feel happy is to really study.. sometimes, i dont have enough sleep, sick, and busy and all.. just like you to... but then i dont really have a choice.. i'm already here... and i dont have a option to switch or anything.. so i will do what i can.. and i know the path is not easy..

i feel like giving since the 1st semester.. but everytime i hear my parents voice over the phone.. somehow the thought of giving up feel so heavy.. they didnt gave up on me.. so how could i give up on myself.. i admit im not that of a filial son.. but this is the least i can do...

my advice to you, try think back the reason that you wanted to study medicine to motivate you.. if you have other options, and if you are okay with it, just use them.. hahaha.. but whatever, dont give up on your dreams.. even how tough it gets.. learn to enjoy what you.. and trust me.. you will feel better..

haha.. sorry for writing longer than your post ya.. hope what i said helps you.. goodluck and jiayou ya!! ^^

a fellow 1st year.....

Lynn June 1, 2009 at 1:48 AM  

No idea wat happened to you. I hope you feel better and find a resolution to all your probs. There's a reason why u r here, why these things are happening.. Just bare in mind God plans for us to climb the mountain is to reach a higher peak! 1 after another. Btwn 2 peaks, there must be a valley!Hang on!

U r a strong gal! Continue the effort to be 1. :)

Love,
Lynn

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